Vol. 10

Back again, I took a long break for Christmas, New Years and Jan. 15^th day. But I’m back with a pretty lengthy entry.

I'm abandoning the music for this entry. I'm way too tired (lazy) to look up a good one...

so here goes..

Jayson Williams is in the news again. Not the white one, or the one who went to Duke (anyone else surprised those two aren’t describing the same person?) but the one who screws up regularly. This time Jayson, decided he would pull a Stallworth and try to drive his car home after putting back a few lot of drinks. He would have made it home in one piece, but he caught a glimpse of a tree that owed him some money, so he tried to run over said tree with his truck.

Williams then concocted an ingenious plan to jump over to the passenger side of the car when the cops arrived so that it would appear his car was driven by the demon from Paranormal Activity. Unfortunately for Williams, the cops had an IQ above 70, so his master plan was busted.

Here’s what I don’t get…Jayson Williams actually has a good amount of money from his days with the Nets, so why not hire a driver??

Oh wait…

He already SHOT HIS DRIVER IN THE CHEST!

From shot-gunning beers to shot-gunning chauffeurs, Jayson Williams is keeping it classy…

I will admit, whenever I get a chance to make fun of the University of Tennessee, I will ALWAYS just on the chance. But during the time off from the blog, the UT program just made it way too easy. Sometimes I wish they actually made it a challenge to make fun of them, but then I realize it’s way too much fun this way.

So to start off, 4 UT athletes were arrested on gun charges over the break. No, I’m not drumming up an old story, this time it was the basketball team, but fortunately this time the cops pulled them over before they reached the nearest gas station.

USC head coach Pete Carroll decided to leave USC amid allegations that the program paid Reggie Bush while he was a student-athlete at the school. This move sent shockwaves through the coaching community as the Trojans then moved to hire Steve Sarkisian ... Mike Riley ... Jack Del Rio ... Lane Kiffin as their head coach.

You can imagine my delight, as the coach who was tabbed as the guy to bring UT back to the limelight, bolted for greener pastures. In the week following Kiffin’s departure, UT held a coaching search of their own and ultimately decided on Will Muschamp ... Kyle Whittingham ... Troy Calhoun ... David Cutcliffe ... anyone other than Derek Dooley ... Derek Dooley.

While UT was taking a chance with someone who was an unproven NFL coach when they hired Kiffin, they claimed that the situation with Dooley is entirely different. This time they’re taking a chance on an unproven COLLEGE coach…

see? TOTALLY different.

Gilbert Arenas is having his own gun problems. Arenas made a bet with former Georgia Tech PG, Jarvaris Crittenton, in which Arenas lost the bet and refused to pay up. Instead, Arenas decided to leave a gun in Crittenton’s locker (challenging him to a duel, I guess?).

I’d like to think that Crittenton bet Arenas that he couldn’t go a whole year without being injured or suspended and immediately proclaimed he won the bet. Confused, Arenas decided not to pay up and then threatened Crittenton with the gun in the locker, which ultimately got Arenas suspended.

clever, Jarvaris…clever…

I would LOVE to have a couple entries in this blog that doesn’t discuss Tim Tebow, but unfortunately, this needs to be discussed.

Tebow and the ultra conservative retarded group, Focus on the Family, have put together a Super Bowl ad in which Tebow’s mother (Mary?) talks about the months leading up to Tim’s birth and the choices she made. The reason for the controversy in the ad is that Tebow’s mother had complications and the doctors advised her to abort the child. Instead Mrs. Tebow made the choice of keeping the baby, who turned out to be a Heisman winning penis-trimmer. It’s a big success for pro-life supporters as Mrs. Tebow’s choice to keep baby Tim, turned out to be great for college football. Which, admittedly is the only question worth thinking about when concerned with the choice of whether or not to abort.

So think about it future mothers! If you choose to abort your “baby,” how will he become a college football star?!?......HUH? How will he?

I must admit, having Tim Tebow’s mother talk about her choice not to abort is an excellent choice for Focus on the Family to get their point across.

Better than say….Sean Glennon’s mother

Brett Favre lost this weekend. Now, ESPN can begin to play all the highlights from Favre’s 6-decade career, only to be jilted when Favre decides to play again next season. I’m sick of Brett Favre so I’m going to post EXACTLY what’s going to happen in this saga during the off-season.

Favre goes home to Hattiesburg to play football in his jeans on the farm and contemplate retirement

Favre says that the toll the past season had on his body is too much to overcome and decides to retire…He will cry at the press conference

Brett Favre someone will leak that Favre is reportedly having a change of heart and may come back…but only if he can play for the Packers

Brett Favre will deny the “rumors” and will have “no idea” where they came from

Favre will not show up to any training camp and we can officially call him retired

After 2 pre-season games Favre decides to un-retire and play in the final pre-season game of the year

Favre will deny rumors that he only retires to get out of attending training camp

No one will believe him

In the “I didn’t see that one coming” story of the millennium, Mark McGwire admitted to taking steroids.

WHAT?!? No way! McGwire??

What’s next? Michael Jackson molested little kids? OJ really killed his wife? Lady GaGa is bat-sh*t crazy?

It’s good to know people are still coming up with refreshing, totally non-racist ideas out there. This one comes from a former wrestler who wants to start an all white basketball league.

That’s right, he actually WANTS to watch white people play basketball…if you want to see that kind of athleticism on the floor then just turn on the WNBA.

For anyone who believes this league really has a chance…boy, do I have a backwards robe for you!

Joe Paterno died over the break, from a complication associated with exploding bowel syndrome…for those wondering, it was 14 Courics

if you have an idea for how Joe Paterno should die (seek counseling?) email me at drewscott22@gmail.com

That’s all for this week…